My Last Goodbye (mi ultimo adios)

Every day I look in the mirror,
It’s not me but I see a murderer.
I stabbed my heart several times,
You wounded my heart with your beautiful lies.
An unexpected death I believe,
It lost the urge to live the moment you stepped out,
We got disconnected.

I feel the love but unhappy I stay,
I sat alone all this time but could not convince you to love me back.
Never forced you to do so, never will.
Your mind and my heart had already entered the fray,
When sighted each other.
You won and are still winning,
By keeping a congenial distance, it’s humiliating.
You are forever in denial.
The mixed reactions you showed shot me to pieces,
Couldn’t figure out where they were trying to direct me.

I'm tired of waiting for you to come back,
I tell my mind and my heart everyday
It’s not going to happen.
I have to stop this somehow, it’s now or never,
I don't deserve to suffer,
I'm not the one who turned my back on you.
I was the only one who remained faithful
And still I am and not you.
Maybe I never promised you the moon
And the stars, as others do.
But I did promise you a future,
A blissful life, you and me together.

I'd burn a million of those bills with posters on it for you.
Now here I am, viewing a million photographs,
I wish I had set them ablaze,
I was stranded midway.
I stashed them instead,
My love was only for you,
Anyways it's better left unsaid.

The time we spent together at a stretch,
The 7 yrs I had you by my side.
It's not easy to forget it down the line.
But certainly you have.
All I wanted was a chance,
You refused though.
It reflected on your face,
I was misfortunate, five times in a row.


I miss you, I will always do,
It’s like a disease, I never want a cure for.
I miss you standing beside me,
I miss us posing with your hand around me.
Your hand was like a cradle, I felt safe and carefree.
And now you shy away.
It’s not your fault.
Even if I move on, I’ll always be truly yours.

Life will unravel in its own time,
It knits its own design.
Once upon a time she thought I needed you,
To bring to light a new color, she entangled us.
That is why I met you, what a misery,
Why?
I ask my destiny.

I have settled my thoughts about you,
I know what I feel.
Unanswered questions still clutter my mind,
You need not worry.
I'll answer them myself,
It does not make a difference,
Even if I’m wrong,
I want to put them at rest.
They’ve caused me a lot of distress.

This is the end of our story,
No more guilt to carry.
I’m done with you.
I can’t go on like this.
I live through a vicious cycle,
Round and round, I’ll be back where I started from.
I recover from the pain but later,
It haunts me back again.

Anyways good luck I hope I never meet you ever again.

Love is an emotional suicide………

Never have been in love, never will be.
With all the unwanted dilemma’s surrounding love stories,
never will let anyone invade my life and
break my heart so easily.

Heart broken souls have nothing to say, nothing to share,
nothing to give, life isn’t fair.
Life has become sour, they say as they await end.
Their unspoken tale bitter than ever.

People live and preach love,
cherish it for ages.
Later the word ‘LOVE’ and the impulsive attempts made,
are concluded as meaningless, when hearts go astray.
A very special emotion wasted.

Some things in life should be left untouched, like emotions.
Because some outbursts always cause devastation
or simply resist existing.
The purity and sanctity of emotions,
torn into shreds.

If this is untrue……………then
Why the colour red when in love,
is it just to cover the void in you and your life
that deepens?

Why scrape off the image that sparkled in your eyes,
just because now it delivers pain?

Why want changes to occur quickly,
that may result in an unpredicted,
alarming end of your expectations?

Why complain and compromise,
when you don’t want to loosen your hands that hold the rope?

Why feel insecure,
when your heart is clouded with menacing
venomous smoke?

Why let the heart skip a beat,
before it started racing to its end?

Why punish others,
for the mistakes committed by you?
Why wait for someone,
who abandoned you,
leaving you in despair?

Why give up living for someone,
whose heart still beats,
even without you?

They say love gives the sweetest dreams.
But how will people dream,
when love also provides sleepless nights?

A ripped heart, numb mind, unsettled thoughts,
no wish to survive, no sentiments,
nothing to share with the world divine.
If you wish to gain this………. Attempt LOVE.
LOVE is all you need to die staying alive.

Undesired Expectations...............

Deep cold voices get trapped in these bricks,
On which stand the walls of my glorious future,
Promised to me.

One dreadful night and I see cracks on the walls climbing up high,
Depth is immeasurable.
A planned race to bring them down to the ground.

Eventually I see the walls fall down on me,
Entrapping me under.
Blocking every ray of light, air hole.
Suffocating me to death.

No path to light,
No more places to hide,
No more ME.
The windy breeze throws a blanket of bloody red mud on me,
Saying its time for you to die.

My last moments are like alms given to me.
So I selfishly exploit them by thinking about ME.
ME, myself, my mind, my soul.
Not even an ounce of the word ‘MY’ is ME.
because everything I have and have done consumed
thoughts, ideals, values, advice and expectations thrusted in me.
Not by choice.

Today, this day has come because I was turned into a puppet.
I have no memories of ME.
It’s as if ME was brainwashed years ago.

Tired and weary I need a breakthrough.
But reaching out to hands stretching to help is not what I opt for.
Every hand there smells of expectations.
It’s either you stand on your own or die little by little.
Sitting and grumbling in your low-lying burrow,
About what life could have been and what it is
And this is what happens when you don’t listen to yourself.

Nobody notices the agony and desperation faced by a person.
Every person has to carry his own burden say wise men.
But what about the appended burden forced to carry,
Called Expectation.
No more, no more.

Listen to…..

God,
the supreme power,
the one,
who binds us together.
Worshippers praise him,
from hollows to towers.
Then why do people complain,
he doesn’t listen to our prayer?

Moments of anxiety,
wrapped as his share.
Moments of gaiety,
you unwrap,
for ones you care.
Out of ignorance,
you diminish his presence.
Then why do people complain,
he doesn’t listen to our prayer?

He is the virtue,
you choose to follow him.
Carving a path for you,
after walking a hundred miles,
you choose to deplore.
One of the traits,
we humans share.
Then why do people complain,
he doesn’t listen to our prayer?

Its just not about the path,
I talk.
Deep inside,
you truly believe,
that he’s merely a rock.
Sinners and cowards,
that’s all, we are.
Thoughts flow in our body,
like,
molten tar.
Sin is just a virus,
floating in air.
Then why do people complain,
he doesn’t listen to our prayer?

Selfish we are,
selflessness we shun.
We can’t even bear,
the heat of the scorching sun.
Shadows are what,
we are in search of,
everyday and everywhere.
Then why do people complain,
he doesn’t listen to our prayer?

Changing Times…………..

I’m so desperate to build a time machine,
A bunch of people would second this.
It’s not too much to ask is it?
It’s just a want, to wind the key backwards, two years,
Is more than enough.
I could suffice on this today.

With every block of brick I count,
As I step on it.
It makes me realize.
These steps that have helped me
Move forward, from one class to another.
Have actually in return
Subtracted those days out of my life.
My life………. A sum of countless things.
Things with which I lived before,
And hold up even now.

But what after t,
What after my journey ends,
Signaling me to go by giving,
A piece of paper in my hand.
Saying it’s your boarding pass to enter the train to success.

I’m searching a way,
A path, which will lead me,
Back, back home.
And that’s why I desperately need a Time machine.

All have dispersed like seeds,
If they have not been dispersed today, they will be tomorrow.
I’m belong to the lot of not-so-level-headed,
To make a choice.
In which field should I let myself in, to be sown?

Indifference is one my characteristic attribute.
It rules me.
But now it has turned into being naive and acting ignorant.
My blurry vision,
can be compared to the foggy path in front of me.
Don’t want to walk on it, don’t have a slightest clue where it will lead me.
No one besides me, to catch me and guide me through.
And this is why I’m so much in need of a Time machine.
Because I want to run back home.

I make a promise to myself every morning, but,
Break it at dawn.
This gives me solace.
But it’s not enough.
If I can’t go back,
I will have to march forward,
With the least expectations, or none.
And for this I will have to make my pillars strong,
My heart and my mind,
To lean on them for support later.
Only two months more…………..
My spinning head doesn’t let me forget this…….only two months more.
And this is why in this hour of urgency I need a Time machine.